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Video (backdated to Sunday Night)

[ Arthur's hands are shaking, and therefore, so is the Forge. But it's obvious, even in the dim light, that he's blood-spattered. But underneath the gore sluiced across his face, his jaw is firmed, his breathing slow and deliberate. ]

I'm so sorry. If I'd realized, I never would have —

[ No, he needs to start earlier than that. ]

If — someone who knows Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks could collect their bodies from the ruins...

[ No, that's not the place either. He swallows, hard, guilt shadowing his eyes. ]

[ Filter: Priscilla, Byakuya. ]

I have done — a terrible thing. I'll be stepping down from my position as Vice Commander, of course. And I would like to turn myself in to be judged at Themis.

Someone will have to be assigned to bring in Bellatrix. She fled into the Mist. I honestly thought she was no longer a threat to anybody, but I was wrong.

I've been wrong in a lot of things.

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[It's going to kick in at any moment: Merlin will know what to do, what to say to Arthur. Everything that he's gone through in both Camelot and Anatole has groomed him for moments like this.]

[Instead, he stands several feet behind Arthur, pulling the darkness around him like a blanket. He's crying without making a sound, and his hands are shaking so hard that he's simultaneously worried that he's gripping Tonk's wand too tightly or going to drop it.]

[He should go back to the ruins. He should help with the bodies. But Merlin just can't make himself go.]

[ The breath Arthur takes is a deep, choked thing. It's a relief, to have told people, but he still feels as though he's holding every part of himself together through sheer force of will, his chest tight with it, back bowed. ]

Merlin.

[ He carefully wipes his eyes before he turns around, but mostly all it does is smear the blood across his skin. It's soaked deep into the sleeves of the tunic beneath his armour, into his breeches where Remus had lain across his legs dying, even in his hair. ]

Merlin.

[ He's not even sure why he's angry, except that Merlin is the only person in the world it feels safe to be angry at right now. Because he's not doing anything, and there are so many things that need doing now, when Arthur doesn't even know how to stand up again now that he's sat down. Because he hadn't done anything to save them. Or perhaps because Merlin's hunched and crying stance hurts something essential in Arthur. ]

This is Bellatrix's doing.

[And even if he's right, Merlin's reasons for that conclusion aren't so black and white. It's the conclusion he would always come to when her name's involved. Even if they'd looked for Freya together. Merlin couldn't let go of the past, of the knowledge that she's used magic to hurt people.]

[He says her name because he'd rather the blood be on her hands than on Arthur's, even when it's literally on Arthur's. Merlin glances at him and wishes he hadn't. Arthur's misery, Remus' blood. He's not sure which one hurts the most.]

She's the real killer here, and I will find her and make her confess, or so help me-

[He's not even sure how to finish that.]

[ Arthur swallows, the huge mistake he'd made in trusting Bellatrix practically overwhelming him for a brief instant. ]

Don't be an idiot. If you walk out into that Mist—

[ You may never come back. Arthur thinks of the Elf encampment or the guts strewn through the ruins, the unicorn that had once nearly run Merlin through. ]

Let Kuchiki handle it. I need you here.

[ Even if it's only to sit with him as he waits for the time when the boat to Themis docks. ]

[The Mist be damned. Merlin knows the dangers, has been in it before - more and deeper than Arthur even knows. But Arthur says I need and something in Merlin responds, brings him to Arthur's side and makes him sit.]

[And suddenly all Merlin wants is to march him straight into a bath. The smell of blood is making him sick. Not the smell itself - he's been on battlefields, he's helped Gaius. It's Remus' blood. The blood of a friend, practically family.]

You saw it, didn't you? Felt it.

[The patronus.]

Of course.

[ Saw it, felt it, and heard it. ]

Does it matter? It was wrong.

[ This is indelibly his fault. Regardless of the purpose of his actions, a terrible crime has been committed here today, at Arthur's hand, and he deserves to pay a price for that mistake. ]

[ Still, that's more coherent than the self-aggrandizement that has mostly overtaken him as he sits in shock, pale under the blood, not shivering despite the hint of chill that even these summer nights can hold. ]

[ He lists very slightly left, like an unbalanced ship, until his shoulder's touching Merlin's. ]

It mattered to him. He wanted you to know with his last breath.

[That he was loved, and forgiven. But Merlin knows that Arthur's mind doesn't work that way. He's reliving the moment his sword pierced Lupin's body, the moment he realized his mistake, over and over again.]

[Merlin reaches down for his hand when Arthur's shoulder touches his, feels the chill and the blood on his skin. He yanks his scarf free, lifts their joined hands and then starts wiping Arthur's clean with thoughts of cleaning his face and other hand next. Arthur is not a cold-blooded murderer. And Merlin won't have him looking like one. He glances up at Arthur's face with red-rimmed eyes, still heartbroken for those he's lost. And just as heartbroken for the one who remains.]

So what happens next?

[ Arthur watches dully as Merlin wipes at his hand. ]

Don't. You'll get blood on it.

[ But he doesn't pull away, either. He's glad of Merlin, though not surprised. Arthur has done terrible things, and Merlin's had his back through all of them. That much, he can count on. ]

I'm to get the boat to Themis.

[ If someone else doesn't try to kill him before then. ]

Someone will come for the bodies. A couple of people are hunting Bellatrix.

Themis.

[He repeats the word, pauses his actions to look up at Arthur's face. Merlin starts wiping at his hand harder, like he can absolve him of every sin. Like he can erase what happened completely.]

It was a mistake. You never would've harmed Remus if you'd known.

[Merlin moves to wipe the blood and tears from Arthur's face, but ends up cupping it in his hands instead. He just looks at it, searches it and Arthur's eyes before swallowing hard and glancing down.]

Won't you at least come back home first? Get warmed up, changed. Everyone knows you're not at risk for running.

[Even if a part of Merlin wants him to, would cover for him. But he knows better than to even suggest it. Arthur's too noble, and Merlin wouldn't force him to retreat again. Merlin has that same feeling though - the fear for Arthur that makes him feel desperate.]

No. I told Commander Kuchiki I'd meet him at the harbour.

[ Which means he should be leaving now, really. But he doesn't more, sits there and lets Merlin look at him, meeting his eyes but not giving any of himself away. ]

Then I will go with you.

[He'll get on the boat, sit in the cell beside him if they'll let him. Merlin knows there are things to do, people to look for and look after. But all of that is secondary to the blank look in Arthur's eyes.]

Can't really be any worse than Camelot's dungeon, can it? I've been there a time or two.

[ That snaps Arthur out of his self-pouty, and he scowls. ]

Don't be stupid, you haven't done anything wrong.

[ It's a little touching, because he can tell Merlin means it seriously, and he squeezes one of his hands gently, much more lively than when it had hung limp to be cleaned before. ]

I don't think they'd let you.

[ The specifics of "they" are beyond Arthur, but it seems unlikely, that Merlin could just tag along, make his life comfortable, break him out if he needed to, hold him tight if he didn't. It seems like cheating, somehow, and he craves true penance, a guiding hand of the law to tell him what to think or feel about all this. ]

Then I'll just swim around Themis until they do.

[It's meant to be a joke - in theory. But neither of them are laughing.]

If it had been me, you wouldn't leave me behind.

It's not leaving me behind.

[ But Arthur knows he's got the right of it; he wouldn't let Merlin sit alone in Themis, either. He turns and cups Merlin's face with his one clean hand, mirroring. ]

Are you all right.

[Merlin looks into his eyes for a moment, lips thin and pale as they're pressed together. Tonks and Lupin are dead. Arthur, who Merlin was sworn to protect, who he loves has Lupin's blood on him. He will carry the guilt and face the punishment. He is most definitely not all right right now.]

[But he can still lie.]

Yeah. I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

[ Arthur gives him a slightly deprecatory look, as though he knows Merlin's lying, but lets it go. If he doesn't want to talk about his feelings, well. Arthur certainly isn't going to press. He leans in and kisses him gently. ]

It'll be all right. Themis isn't so bad, and nobody stays dead here, remember?

I hope you're right.

[For her sake. Merlin doesn't say that aloud though. And he doesn't have Lupin to turn him away from vengeance this time.]

[But Merlin knows that she must be brought back if she's found, that this must be done properly in order to help Arthur.]

[Merlin sighs, touches his forehead against Arthur's before opening his eyes. And when he does, they're like molten gold, sending his magic throughout Arthur's body in hopes of soothing every sad, every scared part of him.]

[ Arthur hums, low, and closes his own eyes. It's like being hugged by his mother, or the haze of orgasmic afterglow, something transcendental and warm, making him feel safe and loved. ]

[ After a moment or two of feeling it, Arthur realizes he's about to cry again — well and truly break down, this time, not just a few restrained tears. He hasn't felt this close to a personal meltdown since the night he'd spent at his father's bier, and he jerks away from Merlin as though he's been burnt, breathing rapidly. ]

Don't.

[ It's enough to finally get him moving, though, pushing to his feet, planting them as he tries not to tremble. ]

I have to go.

Let me go with you.

[Merlin stands, slowly, his eyes never leaving Arthur's face.]

I want to go with you. I won't do anything-

[Hysterical. He won't fight Byakuya, or remove Arthur's will and run away with him again. He won't cry. At least not until Arthur's too far away to see it.]

See me to the docks.

[ And no further. Honestly, he wouldn't even allow that much, when it means they'll have to say goodbye in front of Byakuya, but the note of despair in Merlin's voice is persuasive. ]

You have to stay here and look after Morgan and Aithusa.

[ He finds Merlin's hand, squeezes it. ]

[Merlin nods, quick to agree to those terms. It's a temporary balm, but it's all they've got. He doesn't have Morgana's gift of prophecy, has no way of knowing when they'll be able to walk shoulder to shoulder again.]

Don't worry. Just promise me you'll look after yourself.

[Until Merlin's able to do it again.]

I promise.

[ He won't ask the reverse, because he has half a dozen friends who aren't going to Themis who he's charged with keeping Merlin safe and well. But an incredibly terrible thought strikes him. ]

Don't go home without me.

That's impossible, you are my home.

[But he can see the worry in Arthur's face, and all he has to do to feel the ice cold fear of it is to put himself in Arthur's place, flip the coin.]

[Merlin lifts their hands and brushes his lips against Arthur's wrist, where the pulse is.]

I promise.

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Video (backdated to Sunday Night)

not here? action? idk

ACTIONNNnnnn i was gonna ask you anyway

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