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Broadcast mind [Backdated to Sunday] | But they weren't there beneath your stare
You try not to think back to your first time in Anatole if you can help it, but recent events have made it hard to avoid. And as your hand brushes over the lump of fluorite that the door dumped on you one overcast and miserable day, it's hard to help.
It's hard to help thinking about her.
***
Among the flotsam and jetsam arriving in Anatole, with their pasts ranging from gruesome to fantastic to what they themselves would hold as "normal", she was special. She was special because she knew. She understood what it was like to be a twin, and she understood what it was like to lose a twin, and most importantly, she knew what it was like to kill your twin. From the moment her thoughts were broadcasted onto the network and you saw her hands leave an imprint which nothing could erase on Mayu's neck, you knew that you had to protect her and take care of her and make sure she was never alone again.
Her name was Mio, she was fifteen years old, and she was your last hope, as surely as you were hers.
With her in your life, the hole that it had become didn't feel so empty after all. You knew that she wasn't your twin, that she never could be, but she filled a part of you which you'd thought had died with him, a part that your friends had touched but not gotten through to yet.
You see some of your friends narrowing their eyes, see furtive glances as you sit close to each other and whisper like children, you hear disapproving murmurs as you fuss with her hair or hold her close. They think you're a dirty old man (and you think so too). You will always remember the horror - even revulsion - of Severus' face when she returned home after running away and you fell to your knees and kissed her face, so relieved that she was alive and safe that all you could do was cry and apologize. He was right, they were all right. She was fifteen years old, barely more than a child, broken by events too horrible for anyone to live through unharmed. You should've been the adult, the one who decided where the boundaries were, the one who knew better than to cling to her the way you did. But you couldn't, you didn't know how to.
And even though they we right, they don't understand.
They didn't know what it's like to have someone being a part of you so utterly as when you had a twin; what it was to live on as the shipwrecked half one being, knowing you could never be complete again; couldn't possibly understand how deep the treachery went when they died by your hand. Your feelings for Mio were not those of a friend, and they were not those of a parent or guardian. They went so far beyond that, because you had both been alone with a pain that no one could understand, and suddenly you were two.
You knew that she was also a teenage girl and you noticed as she started blushing and stammering, that her feelings for you were developing in dangerous ways. And though sometimes it felt as if you're so very close to kissing her simply because you felt everything you possibly could for her, both the good and the bad, you would never cross that line. But as much as you wanted to protect her, you also knew that you couldn't withdraw, that you couldn't pull free even though the lines were starting to blur and your feelings started to twist and you were no longer sure you could tell the difference between one feeling and another. Because you needed her, and she needed you.
And then your twin came to Anatole, and hers as well. And Mio and Syaoran were suddenly looking at each other and blushing, spending more and more time alone. You breathe out, relieved, and bury your burning jealousy in you husband's arms.
It's hard to help thinking about her.
***
Among the flotsam and jetsam arriving in Anatole, with their pasts ranging from gruesome to fantastic to what they themselves would hold as "normal", she was special. She was special because she knew. She understood what it was like to be a twin, and she understood what it was like to lose a twin, and most importantly, she knew what it was like to kill your twin. From the moment her thoughts were broadcasted onto the network and you saw her hands leave an imprint which nothing could erase on Mayu's neck, you knew that you had to protect her and take care of her and make sure she was never alone again.
Her name was Mio, she was fifteen years old, and she was your last hope, as surely as you were hers.
With her in your life, the hole that it had become didn't feel so empty after all. You knew that she wasn't your twin, that she never could be, but she filled a part of you which you'd thought had died with him, a part that your friends had touched but not gotten through to yet.
You see some of your friends narrowing their eyes, see furtive glances as you sit close to each other and whisper like children, you hear disapproving murmurs as you fuss with her hair or hold her close. They think you're a dirty old man (and you think so too). You will always remember the horror - even revulsion - of Severus' face when she returned home after running away and you fell to your knees and kissed her face, so relieved that she was alive and safe that all you could do was cry and apologize. He was right, they were all right. She was fifteen years old, barely more than a child, broken by events too horrible for anyone to live through unharmed. You should've been the adult, the one who decided where the boundaries were, the one who knew better than to cling to her the way you did. But you couldn't, you didn't know how to.
And even though they we right, they don't understand.
They didn't know what it's like to have someone being a part of you so utterly as when you had a twin; what it was to live on as the shipwrecked half one being, knowing you could never be complete again; couldn't possibly understand how deep the treachery went when they died by your hand. Your feelings for Mio were not those of a friend, and they were not those of a parent or guardian. They went so far beyond that, because you had both been alone with a pain that no one could understand, and suddenly you were two.
You knew that she was also a teenage girl and you noticed as she started blushing and stammering, that her feelings for you were developing in dangerous ways. And though sometimes it felt as if you're so very close to kissing her simply because you felt everything you possibly could for her, both the good and the bad, you would never cross that line. But as much as you wanted to protect her, you also knew that you couldn't withdraw, that you couldn't pull free even though the lines were starting to blur and your feelings started to twist and you were no longer sure you could tell the difference between one feeling and another. Because you needed her, and she needed you.
And then your twin came to Anatole, and hers as well. And Mio and Syaoran were suddenly looking at each other and blushing, spending more and more time alone. You breathe out, relieved, and bury your burning jealousy in you husband's arms.
I'm so sorry, I had to
[But it's lighthearted and could never be a true rebuke, not coming from a man of Nihon who had seen teen girls wed to far older lords and warriors as a matter of course. Yuui obviously didn't have the same rules in his country (either of them, although one didn't really count) but it was pretty plain that he'd never acted on those feelings, for either of the girls he'd grown so close to.
Kurogane had known the mage had been close to Mio since his arrival here, but had never asked about it. It wasn't his business, whatever it had been, and his joke of a comment was meant to express that, however badly.]
You're not sorry at all
You're terrible.
[His shoulders, which were tense there for a moment, relax.]
And at least Elizabeth was older. [He really has no shame. None.]
I am so! ...at least a tiny bit
[But he's smiling, having noticed the tenseness. He'd meant to accuse, but only jokingly.]
Yeah, she was. Nice tits, too. That one I'll give ya.
Just hope she never sang around you. Gods.
[The memory of finding her out in the Mist screaming one of her sea shanties to all and sundry still grates on his ears in nightmares, he'll have you know. He hopes, for your sake, she wasn't a screamer. The two of you in chorus makes his stomach turn with annoyance.]
LIES.
[Yes, he'd been absolutely out of his mind at the time, and when she'd touched his face and said, I'm sure you're still in more pain than I... he'd known that she knew, and he'd resolved to make her happy. But thinking about it in that light made him shiver uncomfortably.]
Also, I'm surprised. I honesty didn't imagine that you'd notice a pair of tits even if they bit you. [Bluntness is a wonderful thing!] And we sang together when we got drunk! It was a lot of fun, I'll have you know.
nay, TRUTHS
[It wasn't like he could really have missed that look since it was directed at him and all. And he didn't even think anything had happened, but he'd drop it since the very idea made his skin crawl anyway.]
Tch. Just because I don't chase after them doesn't mean I can't notice a nice aesthetic. She was a beautiful girl. Kinda surprised she settled for you.
I don't even wanna imagine that, mage. Your voice isn't terrible but together with hers I'm surprised no one killed you.
You mock me, madam
Sometimes, you could definitely fool me. It's rather fun to see how people assume that I'm the one not interested. [The smile grows into a grin.] And she "settled" for me because I was a good friend, and because I explained things to her a lot better than she was used to from home. Not that doing that was very hard, I admit.
[Honestly, her home seemed full of endless misconceptions.]
And hush on you, we were lovely, and we had a lot of fun. And if you keep teasing me about it I'll just broadcast your humming in the shower over the network and see how you like it.
I do not and I resent that accusation <3
[Or anyone, for that matter, aside from the man currently teasing him. Had never really been or wanted to be, and yes, a lot of people in Nihon had looked at him strangely for it since he seemed to have no interest at all in anyone. It had been annoying to find a willing girl (of which, he'd been surprised to discover, there had been many, as well as men) to stop their idiotic gossip. A shinobi in the direct service of the princess needed to be thought well of by the people, after all. But that didn't matter much now.]
People think that because you act like an idiot. We've been to enough worlds where people that act like you aren't interested in women, it shouldn't be a shock. And I know you had fun, it was annoying.
[But he's not being serious, and his response to Yuui's idea, while genuinely aggravated, is more of a challenge than a threat.]
You broadcast that and I'll kick your skinny ass.
I resent your face B|
I'm glad you don't, you'd catch cold. And you're terrible when you're sick. [Still he's laughing, but at least he can shape the laughter into words.] And I did have fun. Even if I didn't... understand my feelings or yours back then, I think I still noticed you being jealous, somehow.
[It was true, too. He'd enjoyed flirting overtly, partly because of the reactions he got from those subject to his attention, but also because of the minuscule signs of displeasure he could tease from Kurogane. How silly, that he hadn't noticed.]
And only if you catch me, love~!